i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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