Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
