I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
