Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
