An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it because I queefed?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
