her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
