ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
