I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
