I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
