Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
