She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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