Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
