u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
