Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
