i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
