he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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