Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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