mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
