she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
