i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
