Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
