a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize