The maid of honor just puked.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
