party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
