I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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