Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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