Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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