Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
