Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
