did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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