these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize