I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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