The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
