After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
