Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
