Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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