When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
