I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
