I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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