can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
