he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize