goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
