planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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