My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
