My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
