I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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