well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
