So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
