I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize