So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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