Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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