you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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