Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
