I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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