member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
