You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
