just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
