All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
handjob tips. give me some.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize