Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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