i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
