could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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