I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
