How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
