dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm jealous of your bromance
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
