the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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