He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
