Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
