I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
