He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
there was a trapeze. enough said
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
