miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
