it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize