Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
