you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
