I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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