he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
