that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize