whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
